“What’s wrong, Mommy?”

“Just getting hit with the truth.”

This was the conversation as I sat cuddled with my boys on the couch & crying, watching ‘Encanto’ for the first time & listening to the third song in the movie. As just one of millions of people who have now seen this movie & loved it, I think the female characters really highlight a lot of emotions & expectations that women today (and me for sure) struggle with on a regular basis.

The movie is about a family who was “blessed by a miracle” in their darkest times & now the family members each receive a magical gift as children, which they use to help their community. Things like the ability to heal with food, change the weather, shape-shift, etc. One family member, Mirabel, never received a magical gift, but still tries to help & be useful, until she realizes the magic is fading & works to help ensure her family will endure. Her only goal is to make her family proud.

The song “Surface Pressure” is sung by Mirabel’s older sister, Luisa, whose gift is strength. She is “the brawn” and does all the heavy lifting for her community. She seems to take everything in stride & is quick to just start doing the work that is asked of her, frequently multi-tasking and pushing through. Since she is seen as “the strong one” people also tend to throw their emotional burdens upon her shoulders as well as the physical burdens.

Here are just a few lyrics that really hit home for me from the song “Surface Pressure”:

“I'm the strong one, I'm not nervous…
But…
Under the surface
I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service

Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow, whoa
Give it to your sister, your sister's stronger
See if she can hang on a little longer
Who am I if I can't carry it all?”

And aren’t these the questions we ask ourselves all the time?

Who am I, if I’m not a mother, daughter, worker,, friend? What am I “worth”, if not what I can tangibly provide others?

I know these past few weeks, I felt this way a lot. If I’m unable to provide readings for people, if I’m unable to care for my children, if I’m unable to clean the house, do the laundry, go grocery shopping - then what am I good for?

So often, as women, we believe that our value is all in what we can do for others. The pressure to constantly be DOING with no breaks is overwhelming. The idea of taking a break or “me time” feels wrong. Like we are shirking our duties or being lazy.

Luisa sings about feeling the need to be strong & take everyone’s burdens as her own. To continue to “carry the load” all by herself & keep her emotions to herself as well. She feels like without her gift no one will love her & she will be letting her family down. Anyone else feel like crying right now, too? 😭🙋‍♀️😭

And yet - We are MORE than just the things we do. We are beings who offer so much to this world. Strength in all its forms, kindness, compassion, joy. We are all human & we are allowed to take breaks & take care of ourselves. We are worthy of love regardless of what we can do. The last song of the movie, “All of You”, says it perfectly -

“The miracle is not some magic that you've got
The miracle is you, not some gift, just you
The miracle is you”

YOU are what you have to offer. Just YOU. Thank you for being YOU!

And here’s a link to the song “Surface Pressure” if you haven’t heard it yet. Get ready for some tissues & to get it stuck in your head.

P.S. - the entire album is amazing & the movie is great - especially if you have kids who feel like they need to accomplish things to make their parents proud. This helps highlight that kids can just be themselves & still deserve to be loved.